ON MY OWN by Emil HasnainI remember sitting at my former workplace feeling rather defeated and unhappy about the choice I had made, pursuing a career I did not care for and consequently neglecting my art. The artist in me was wilting, and it was my own doing; when you allow yourself to believe your priorities in time and energy should lie in the capitalist hustle and grind, what room is left for creativity, the mind, the soul? It was in this discontentment that I found my muse, sitting slouched against a communal work desk, overworked, with disheveled hair and a tired face buried in her hands. I have historically not been inclined towards self portraits but something about this piece demanded I be my own subject.While I do not enjoy explaining my art, I feel the need to provide context to the crow that is perched upon my head. I have a penchant for learning from birds, especially crows. I find them wise and a spiritual medium, although the people I am surrounded by do not agree with me on this. No one really likes crows; they’re noisy, have no regard for personal space and there are far too many omens associated with them. But I find them to be observant, good communicators and spiritual guides. The crow will always know what you are seeking, will offer aid during a bad spiral I suppose.As far as the color palette goes, I usually stick to monochromatic inking. I had the same plan for this illustration initially, but instead, I felt steered towards blue. That was how I felt, utterly blue with pinks and yellows surfacing from under. The process of filling the illustration with color was healing my inner artist, for two main reasons: the literal process of filling in my own emptiness, and the therapeutic act of coloring itself.Looking back at this illustration, I feel it is the first step towards connecting with Simurgh, as did the birds from Farid ud din Attar’s Manṭiq-uṭ-Ṭayr.